A couple of weeks after moving to Stafford, I remember the feeling of being waved at in town by someone who shared our kettle at work. It was a tiny interaction but the beginnings of feeling like this was home. The mornings I see my school run ally (for whom the school run is also a run) rounding the corner at the same time as me as we exchange knowing glances, often feel a bit brighter than the mornings I don’t. Our local lollipop/patrol crossing person has spoken nuggets of encouragement into my life while we navigate the puddles or sweat through the summer heat.
Sociologist Mark Granovetter calls these relationships “weak ties.” This is not the pressure to make awkward small talk with just any stranger we see. There has to be mutual recognition. Weak ties are the acquaintances we come into contact with on a regular basis that, in time, form part of our familiar landscape. Research shows that these ties are just as important for our wellbeing and sense of belonging as “strong ties” (a spouse, parent, close friend, colleague).
Recently, some days on maternity leave have felt longer than others. At times, the difference between a lonelier day and a brighter day has been my weak ties. The cashier at our local shop who always responds to my little boy’s “hello man” with a familiar “hello boy.” Our vegetable-growing neighbour running out with spare courgettes as I pass with the pushchair. The owner of the limping Labrador who always knows the weekly forecast and delivers it with cheerful optimism (apparently we know the names of more weak tie dogs than people).
But as well as building a sense of being connected to something larger than ourselves, weak ties have been proven to benefit our world view and even our careers, opening up new networks that strong ties may not have access to.
Who are the weak ties you appreciate in your life? The familiar acquaintances that enhance the everyday? Those little connections you’d miss if they weren’t there? Those seemingly unimportant exchanges that can make all the difference to feeling more rooted in community.
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